Re: SBURB Zeta (Closed... for now)

[furry garbage]

==> Be somehow alive.

You are, once again, Mona.. Who seems to be laying on their bedroom floor along with two other sprites. Your laptop is blinking rapidly in the background, but you are unfortunately too tired to care. Your own sprite had nearly given you a heart attack, and the other one.. Well, they hadn't done too entirely much aside from help you into what you assume to be the Medium.. Or the afterlife. You couldn't exactly designate which one it was.

As you begin to drag yourself back up to your feet, your sprite lets out a series of other hellish roars directed towards your laptop and desk. It must've dragged your laptop out of your bag and set it up for you while it was at it.. Wow, these things were handy! They were certainly nice as well.

==> Sit down.

As you plop down in your chair, you examine your desk.. Nothing seems to be too out of place, just maybe shaken up a little just as you were. man, you really hoped all of these inanimate objects were alright! You gently return your attention back to your blinking laptop to two new messages on pesterchum.. You didn't know these handles. Hey, maybe some other humans came along!

Pesterlog:

You stare at your screen in disbelief.. A real, certified, living, BREATHING ALIEN JUST MESSAGED YOU. You waste no time getting to the other one, that you really hoped was yet another alien too!

Pesterlog:

==>

You are absolutely VIBRATING in your chair at this point.. TWO FUCKING ALIENS DUDE. TWO OF THEM. You're already learning so much! They do kinda seem like assholes, though.. Either way, it was cool!

Since you were in such a good mood, you decided to hop out of your chair and head outside to see exactly where you were. You smile wide like never before as you twirl around in your chair, kicking out of it and heading for the ladder. Of course, you were going to hog all the fun to yourself, deciding to invite the two sprites along.

Dialogue:

[cealvan]

Dang, they are on to you, your gamble didn't pay off. :( oh well, no harm done as it looks like this is not an actual person, but an npc, which would explain how they knew you had just entered. it would also explain why they are horrible at trolling you, to the point that it doesn't feel like a troll. you wonder why it says that they are trolling you, but you dismiss the thought.

Pesterlog:

with that you walk out the door, wondering how you will get off of this island of the sky that you seem to be on. you decide that it will just be easier to call them skylands, but before you can do anything about it, you are greeted by something you did not expect. standing in front of you, actually floating is a better word, is a head without a body. you would recognize it anywhere, although you would have never expected to see it here. you are frozen in shock for a few minutes until you manage to stammer out.

Dialoge:

you decide to ask the trolling guy about why you are now talking to a cat with magical powers.

Pesterlog:

[hereticalTophat]

==> Be the Tophat
That's impossible.
==> Be the person wearing the aforementioned Tophat.
Much better, thank you.

You decide to respond to Alie first, an excellent plan formulating in your brain. This is going to be too easy.

Pesterlog:

This is going to be fun. You smile as you, once more, begin typing up a storm. You're going to troll them so hard that they'll feel like an imbecile after realizing the truth. They'll say: 'God damn Ekliat, you're such a pro troller.' And you'll act all humble and shit, and then you take them on to be your squire- and you'll teach them the ways of trolling and everything will be beautiful.

Pesterlog:

There. That'll show them for thinking that they can out-troll you.
Which they can't, because you're clearly the best at that.
You could probably troll the untrollable.
You then turn towards the other message you've received from the human that really, seriously needs a haircut.

You have a feeling that multiple people, including yourself, have already made this assumption.

Pesterlog:

You stare in confusion as... Someone else tells you what to do.

You're about to type 'Fuck no get lost stupid kid' or something along those lines, when your curiousity gets the better of you- and you follow the instructions.

You stand up, walk to the other side of the room to the only window above your cocoon, and look outside and to the left- wondering what the glub you're supposed to even be looking at.

[Sir Realism]

==>

After a good couple minutes of chasing this buffoon around derse you've finally caught up with that blonde haired bastard Penn, and are smiling with sadistic joy at what you presumed to be a cowering fool. Only, he seems completely unfazed by your threats and insults. You put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze HARD.

Dialogue:

==> Investigate

You spin the shaded hipster around and see what's his problem, those threats you made online were serious. NO ONE TALKS SHIT ABOUT FUNNY PIZZA LAND, NO ONE... Anyways it seems Penn was only in a dream walking state and your hot pursuit was for absolutely nothing. You're about to literally have a hemorrhage in anger.

==> Shake Penn awake

You grab Penn by his Dersian garb and jostle him around for a bit... no response. You could have sworn he was supposed to pass out by now, your information seems to be false however. Not a problem though!

==> Create... THE PENNPACK

You float over to a nearby Derse flag and tear it from its pole without any regards to the shocked Dersians below. You wrap it around the already drifting Penn and tie yourself to his back, once again, although you hate the fool you still need him. Drifting about Derse isn't the safest thing to be doing anyhow.

Speaking of which, it seems a specific black figure with a PUFFY HAT has been following both you and Penn for some time. He's massive, and is able to brush aside its smaller counterparts in its way like nothing. You stare at the man for a moment only to have him squint his white eyes back at you in challenge. A massive cleaver lay holstered on his back. Damn, you want that weapon, and are about to take out your own when you realize your baton isn't with you, it's on your unconscious body. You're too weak at the moment to engage in a traditional STRIFE, TRICKSTER TACTICS will have to do...

==> Stop floating

You lower yourself to the ground, yet don't drop until you're right in front of a dark tunnel. Luckily Penn is still floating, so he weighs hardly anything.

==> Enter tunnel

You enter the tunnel and wait, hidden in the darker areas of the purple stone.

==> Check up on Mona, PSS, and whatever the hell that thing is.

You are now PSS, the Mona is dragging you by one of your NONSEXUAL TENDRILS. You like them waaaaaaay more than your own player. Even though they kinda suck in general (but you will never tell them this.) You take a look at the new sprite, well, THING. It's disturbing, not much else to say about it.

==> Follow Mona

You follow...

==> Become the Satire God

You are now the asshole with the broken horns and red text, what? You don't like me talking about your horns? TOO BAD I'M THE NARRATOR!

You've been pestering this human with your FRIENDLY SARCASTIC COMMENTS your specialty. Although you think you've taken it too far. Saying that shit on Alternia is a pretty shitty thing in itself, well you are trying to be hateful.

==> Realize you physically can't troll.

Damn, you suck. You immediately apologize.

Pesterlog:

[/spoiler]

[Thrillho]

==>

The same scene from before is shown, the two figures sitting in the desert area. The two awkwardly sit together in silence as our shades-clad hero continues to play on his device. A chat begins between the two.

Chatlog:

==>

The brown fucker stands up and prepares his fist. You...naturally begin getting a little worried about what he's doing. His fist is sent your way and smacks you right in the face. -So hard in fact that you are launched in the air not only in that weird dream, but in the waking realm to boot!

==>

A fuckton of IMPS have invaded your abode, taking up most of the space in the building. This is why you can't trust anyone to take care of your house anymore. That WOULD'VE been your Uncles job, but he's still fucking lost. You bring up your phone and begin messaging your dumb server.

Pesterlog:

[cealvan]

Pesterlog:

you read the message, but as he is an npc, you dont feel a need to respond that you got the message. you do decide that as your Cheshire cat is more accessible right now, you will ask him any questions you have

Dialoge:

the Cheshire cat does not respond, but slowly fades away, head first, and then from front to back, it's almost disconcerting, but as your two guides have told you to go explore, you decide to go do so. you carefully study the chaos, and as another skyland is passing under the one your house is on, you jump down, and land pretty hard, luckily other than possibly a twisted ankle, everything seems to be good, untill you realize, at this point, it will be a while before you see your house again. you wave good bye

[ZoozooKinkajou]

==> What is the slob doing now?

You are slumped down on your wheelie chair, slowly spinning, doing absolutely nothing.

Your little investigation has been halted, due to the fact that the human with inconvenient hair is certainly taking their time to respond to your messages. They're probably exploring Derse or Prospit right now, you don't know if they're a Derse dreamer or a Prospit dreamer. You don't really blame them for wanting to explore, suddenly waking up on some weird-ass purple or gold-colored moon and discovering that you can fly is understandably mind-boggling for anyone. Heck, first thing you did when you first woke up as your dream self was blankly stare out the window of your tower at the PURPLE kingdom below you. You were even more mystified when you realized that you could fly. You felt so free. You could explore and fly around the very PURPLE moon as much as you want. In that moment, SGRUB didn't exist to you. Everyone you knew disappeared from your mind. You soared without a care in the world.

But you didn't let yourself be trapped by illusion of freedom that unlimited flight gave, but the unnerving whispers of the horrorterrors was the one that mostly contributed to snapping you out of it. You still were trapped along with the other trolls, left with an uncertain future. You are still not free.

==> . . . Examine surroundings

You decide that your lookstubs are pretty tired from looking at the screen of your husktop and decide to look away, giving yourself an opportunity to examine your surroundings. You've, despite your not very good memory, have memorized every little detail of your temporary RESPITEBLOCK. It may be temporary, but it certainly doesn't feel temporary. You have no need to examine your RESPITEBLOCK, but you decide to anyway because your lookstubs need some rest from the computer.

==>

On the PURPLE walls hang a some sci-fi movie posters, a few of them bearing claw marks from what looked like a small creature, a few others have a corner or two torn off. An abundant amount of art pieces litter the walls as well. Some of them are of a collection of colors that complement each other, others are of colors that complement each other as well, except they have unique patterns. Another is of a foggy land, a teal forest barely visible in the distant and dark winged figured soaring through the sky.

The most noticeable thing about these art pieces that none of the newer ones have even the smallest speck of PURPLE. In fact, there are several boxes in the corner of the RESPITEBLOCK with jars filled with unused purple/violet paint. The other boxes contain jars of paint that, from the colorful finger-prints decorating the lids, have been recently used. They seem to be running a bit low though, a good number of the jars are empty.

Other than that, there's some paintbrushes in an open jar on the desk, a few textbooks on SPACE on a bookshelf, two stacks of research notes, several journals, and a small little book labeled "Reminders" in Alternian. There are TWO sweaters lying on the floor.

There's not much else to the RESPITEBLOCK other than the sad, sad remains of a crocheted bizarre-alien-winged-spider-doll sitting in a dark corner.

==> Check husktop

You sit up properly, adjusting the sleeves of your COMFY jacket before facing the computer. Your prongs dive for the keyboard once again as soon as you see that the BEANIE HUMAN has responded to your messages. You switch the view tab to view said BEANIE human as well.

==> M e s s a g e   t h e   B e a n i e   H u m a n

Pesterlog:

==> Leave respiteblock

Deciding that you're tired of staying holed up in your RESPITEBLOCK, you prepare to leave your RESPITEBLOCK and head up to the deck of the PURPLE battleship so you can relax and stargaze while you message the humans. You'll probably attempt to make some conversation with the stars too, if they're feeling cooperative right now.

==>

You push yourself out of your wheelie chair and slip on your black sneakers. After doing this, you grab both your husktop and "Alien Research" notebook and tuck it under your arm. Now prepared, you open and close the door of your RESPITEBLOCK. From there, you calmly jog through the very PURPLE hallways. The squeaking of your sneakers against the metal floor is the only sound that echoes through your hear ducts.

[furry garbage]

==>

You've managed to gleefully drag both Dick's sprite and your own out into the.. Wow. It was really dark outside.. AND cold! Your house seemed to be on a rather tall spire, your mind beginning to swirl as you looked down into the gigantic crevices in the ground that spanned as far as the eye could see. The cool grass felt rather nice on your socks as you stepped out onto the lawn, turning your head back to what seemed to be your home..

It was absolutely covered in beautiful, fragrant red roses. Everything was. The flowers were all over the land, as well as little multicolored specks running around below.. Which must be imps, the things you were supposed to kill to get more cool stuff. Some of them looked pretty big, which kinda intimidated you. You probably needed to work your way up to more "OP" weapons. Oh, wait. You can just ask the sprites about it!

==>

Your phone is rapidly buzzing in your pocket, probably due to the fact that multiple people are trying to contact you at once. You adjust your satchel, starting to make your way down the odd beaten path leading down towards the ground. As you descended, you began to recognize some of the little odd strings crossing each crevice. They were bridges, but abnormally small.. It'd definitely be a treat trying to get across those. You weren't scared, though!

You pull out your phone, deciding to respond to whoever popped up first in your messages when you opened it. It just so happened to be that one yeehaw guy, that.. Kinda reminded you of the red sprite.

Pesterlog:

==>

You give your screen a confused headtilt, before suddenly bumping into something and stumbling back! You grunt a little as you adjust your headband to see what exactly you ran into.. Realizing there is some kind of black shit obscuring your vision. You wipe your eyes, only to be met by an odd pitch black figure just taller than you were.. The same shitty HUD Penn had seen showing up above it, reading SHALE IMP. You immediately back up, unprepared to fight anything right now.. But still thrown into battle.

==> STRIFE!

You let out a panicked screech, simply deciding to just kick the fluffy(?) imp off the edge. You easily send it straight off, watching it sail down and hit the ground with a small little pop.. And explode into fruit gushers? That was the shortest fight in your life, but god that made you hungry! Fucking SICK, bro. Maybe there were more down the path that you could boot off!

==>

You begin to sprint down the spire with your knife in hand, booting more SHALE and MERCURY imps, both with low enough health to just pop like the first one. In the meantime, you seemed to have climbed a rung or two on what seems to be a little thing called the.. ECHELADDER? Huh, cool.

As you reach the bottom, you take some time away from fighting to respond to the other messages you were sent.

==>

Pesterlog:

Ah, shit.. Guess you should be working on being a better host. At least you're starting to be more.. Assertive, was that the word?

Pesterlog:

All this explaining was exhausting.. You'd definitely have to take a nap once you got back home. You were told that you could visit your moon in your dreams, which was definitely cool.. A whole moon all to yourself. You couldn't wait.

[hereticalTophat]

==>Get trolled.

You stare out your window for an indefinite amount of time, with a scowl on your face. You then realize that you're not even looking at anything.
Everything is exactly the way it was before. Just empty space.

And whenever you look at space you can't help but think of her. So that makes you more angry.
By this point you're pretty tilted, and go to type up a flurry of insults towards the human in dire need of a haircut.

==>Rethink strategy.

You won't let this guy get the better of you. There are multiple battles in a flame-war. You'll respond in a much calmer matter, because you're better than some random grub on the internet.

Pesterlog:

That's cryptic enough to annoy them, you suppose. Though, admittedly, not one of your finer trolls. To be fair he did just kind of juke you, so fair play to him.

Considering the 'CC' human didn't message you, you decide to take the time to relax a little bit and turn back to your window- looking down at the battlefield below.

[Sir Realism]

==>

You are now Dick, but something seems to be odd... You've hidden yourself inside the tunnel and are completely out of view. The only thing signalling to your location is a eerie scratching noise you've been making while hidden away. The large swordsman approaches... but isn't in reach yet.

==> Wait

You are now PSS and, once again, you're flipping out over how reckless Mona is behaving. You are Dick's sprite but he gave you a command to defend the others first. You flail your elongated arms about in desperate attempt to warn Mona not too take these foes lightly. Your warnings are not heeded, and surprisingly they do just fine against the bizarre Imps.

==> Look over at the creepy doll thing.

You slowly tilt your head in the direction of the doll, for a brief moment it looks straight ahead, then snaps its head towards you at an insane speed. Normally, you would have flipped out, but your STALKER PRIDE is helping you out a lot.

Dialogue :

==> Defend the Beanie Human

You float about and circle Mona's hive for a while until finally picking your targets. You materialize a red boombox with your sprite powers an crank it up to full blast. Time to see what you're new powers can do.



You teleport in front a group of small Imps, look at them briefly, then turn them alll into mince meat with your talon fingers. The NON-PORNOGRAPHIC TENDRILS possess make their way to other creature surrounding the house. You grab as many as fast as you can, freeze them while clumped together and use a single elongated finger blade to slice them all in two. A few seconds pass and the timestop ends. Gushers go flying literally everywhere, fuck you're OP. A massive Imp walks up to you and tries to slice you with its own talons. You teleport behind the massive imp and send a PENETRATIVE TENDRIL through its chest. Once you finish your handywork you float back to the house while carrying as much grist as your various appendages can hold and slap them right onto Mona's face. The perverted satisfaction of making a teenager absorb miscellaneous gushers makes you blush slightly. You immediately realize something is severely wrong with the creature you were spliced with.

==>

You are now the unconscious body of Dick. The water seems to have calmed, along with the rain despite it still being there. However the water level has risen and is carrying you gently down stream. You float on for a while until an odd face pokes its head out of the water. A black and pink salamander with little whiskers on the sides of its neck jumps ontop of you. A slightly smaller one follows its lead, they seem to be using your body as a boat or raft. The larger one rummages through your pockets and takes your PRICELESS LAMINATED PROXY NOTES. It swallows the laminated paper whole and looks at the smaller one. The salamander has now been imbued with PROXY AUGMENTATIONS It's beady pink eyes turn completely white and it seems to be imbued with paranormal awareness. The salamander lectures its smaller counterpart in the ways of the observer. The smaller one listens in awe of the powers of the Observer.

[furry garbage]

==> Be creepy doll.

You are now what is only known as DOTTIESPRITE for a minimal amount of time, and your kid has just dived straight into battle with a whole bunch of imps almost completely unarmed. Did this entirely worry you? No. You simply sat back and watched in amusement as the bright red screaming sprite fussed over Mona, soaring around the massive spire that the house was sat atop of, all the while killing imps. Perhaps this other sprite was handy to have around after all.. Your Mona was a real hand-- Err, paw full sometimes.

==> Descend.

As you descend upon your alien-loving human, you notice that they appear to be on their phone talking to their "friends." They were no friends of theirs, and even you knew this.. Especially that Penn fellow. You decided not to fuss over it, instead moving to scoop Mona up and toss them back up to the very top.. Yes, TOSS. As their scream of terror disappears out of earshot and they land every so neatly on the edge of the spire, you continue on your merry way of collecting these COOL LITTLE GUSHERS that had popped out of the imps they'd killed as you were supposed to.

==>

You are now the confused human named Mona having gushers stuffed into your face and absorbed into your body by a tentacle porn sprite. You had no clue what was going on for the first few seconds, but it was.. Kinda okay, for a little? That is, until you started literally gagging and had to shove the sprite away.

You retch a few times to the side, before (just barely) managing to compose yourself and look this weird red thing straight in its nonexistent face.

Dialogue:

==>

You didn't wait for a reply, just deciding to head back inside to try and fuck with some of the game mechanics.. You really wanted to upgrade your knife into something cool! Like something straight out of one of those RPGs! This thought excited you as you ran back inside up to the attic, your own sprite darting after you to help you with whatever it was you were about to get into.

[cealvan]

==>Be alie
you are once again Alie, who has found that her strifing is rather easy, as it isn't to hard to pick and choose her battles. it is not easy for other imps to move from island to island, and so for the most part, if she dosn't want to strife, she just avoids Skylands with imps on them, and unless any drop down on her, all is good.

the only problem is when they drop down on her. it happens slow enough, that she isn't always expecting it, and they manage to come when she is least expecting it, getting a good backstab, or usually more along the lines of uncontrolled body slam, in before she knows they are there. she has gotten pretty battered and bruised at this point, but has climbed quite a few rungs up her echalader.

at some point, she wonders if this will all be worth it, but she decides that at this point, she doesn't have a choice. she has started the game, and these things will always be fighting her, so it is better to make sure she is stronger than the imps, and whatever else may want to kill her, because if she doesn't, they will still try to kill her, and if she isn't stronger, they will. she is now in a kill or be killed world whether she wants it or not.

and so she continues on, still off in the distance she spots something new, she hopes it is what it is, but cant be sure until there, it appears to be a house on top of one of the Skylands she starts trying to hop on Skylands headed in the right general  direction, killing off imps as she goes. the closer she gets, the more she realizes the house and skyland are actually pretty small it's not really short enough that she won't be able to fit, but definitely short enough that she probably won't be able to stand up straight.

[Thrillho]

==>

You are again PENN and this IMP problem is getting out of hand. Brandishing your BB-Gun as a club again, you bash each of the imps around while what you assume to be your server player throws a couch at the grouping. A blast of grist pops out from the cretins and with their defeat, you move up a rung on the ECHELADDER!

Level Up!:

Spoiler:

==>

Naturally, you chuckle at your strength. The fallen foes that dared to invade your last piece of America goes to show that you're probably the best candidate for the next IMPROMPTU PRESIDENT. This moment of peace was haulted by the literal loudest thing you've heard in awhile. An annoying tune fills up the room as a yellow asshole floats over.



It smells of sugar, it's very being radiating in carbonation. The absolute intense jams coming off of this metal looking motherfucker is amazing. Its as if the very feeling of the early 90's and the musical experimentations from Sprite was combined into one motherfucker. A record scratch is had in the middle of the song, allowing the fucker to finally speak...

Spritelog:

==>

The sick-rhymes distracted you from the OGRE from the maze bursting through the door. It let's out and ungodly shout, forcing you to engage in yet another STRIFE while the sprite continues to spew the sicknasty bars. They aid you by both healing you and throwing random shit at them.

Spritelog:

==>

The sprite moves around a few of the constructs around the area and slams you into the OGRE, as well as another piece of furniture to force everyone outside. Spriteman grabs you with his weird sprite-laser and places you on a floating couch. The OGRE is heavily damaged, but in a fit of rage, they freeze you in place as you come in to attack.

-Spriteman seems unphased, but instead continues on..

Spritelog:

As the Ogre moves in to punch you while stuck in time, your sprite sends a fist at them. A good chunk of their health is lowered and with you being unfrozen, you take the final blow to them! It let's out a shout before popping into a hefty amount of grist.

Along with that you move up a rung!


Level Up!:

Spoiler:

==>

[ZoozooKinkajou]

==> Unkempt Troll: Arrive at the deck

You know what? This whole "ooo unkempt mysterious troll" shit has gone on long enough. You are ASTERO EREBUS. You are neither "SPACE HOBO" nor "MOTHERFUCKING SPACE GAL". You are ASTERO EREBUS and ASTERO EREBUS only. And that's about all you have to say about yourself. You have already introduced yourself in way, way in the past, so like fucking HELL are you going to repeat that ELABORATE introduction.

==> Are you done?

Yea, you're done. Time to get on with what you were actually doing.

==> Astero: Arrive at the deck

After a good few minutes of jogging, you exit the inside of the ship and onto the spacious PURPLE deck. You jog a little more to the middle, the vast darkness of space glitters brilliantly with an innumerable amount of STARS. Fiery red, icy blue, brilliant yellow, and many other colors unite to turn the surroundings into a GIANT and BREATHTAKINGLY BEAUTIFUL piece of ART. Actually, no, not even the words you just said could even DO IT JUSTICE. It's not just STARS either. Nebulas, star clusters, comets, planets, solar systems, so, so much more. How desperately had you needed a good STAR GAZE. There is a HUGE smile on your face, it stretches so far that your FACE MUSCLES are starting to hurt, but you don't care. You have seen this same scene countless times, but it still manages to fill you with joy no matter what. You feel like you were three sweeps old all over again.

==> Calm down

Oh, of course. You settle your racing PUMP BISCUIT and get back to business. The calming jog to the deck gave a little time to rest your previously strained LOOKSTUBS, and thus, your LOOKSTUBS hurt somewhat less now. Feeling rejuvenated, you plump down on the ground, kick off your shoes, and gently set down your HUSKTOP and ALIEN RESEARCH notebook.

==> Open your HUSKTOP and search your SYLLADEX for something to write with

Immediately, you flip open your HUSKTOP and read BEANIE'S replies. As you do so, you open your SYLLADEX, the items you have currently captchalogued orbiting around you at a moderate speed. You observe each captchalogue card as they float on by, an adorable crocheted pale blue CHEESEBEAST, your glorious TELESCOPE (it has beautiful constellations etched onto it, a truly exquisite thing), some random SWEATER, and...

==> There you are!

Your captchalogued PEN floats in front of your space and you immediately reach out for it. Upon being pulled out of its orbit, it resumes its physical form and you close your SYLLADEX. You immediately get to work on writing down notes based on what BEANIE has said. Once you have finished writing, you get back to messaging BEANIE.

==> M e s s a g e   B E A N I E

Pesterlog:

==> Observe view tab

You observe the view tab on your HUSKTOP, which is currently displaying the human you have been messaging as of recent. You raise an eyebrow when that weird faceless sprite from earlier begins shoving a hefty amount of GRIST into poor BEANIE'S face. You should probably ask them what their actual name is, but not now! You've got another human to message. You have to have more than just one source of info to make sure what you're writing down is accurate!

==> Switch view tabs

You adjust the tab to view the SHADES GUY you briefly saw earlier. It would seem that... It would seem that they prototyped the corpse of an ANCIENT SLAM POET with something else? Those are undeniably ANCIENT SLAM POEMS you're hearing spew out of the BUFF sprite's SQUAWK GAPER. You have no idea what they are rapping about and you're not sure if you want to know. But... Hot DAMN one of these humans is actually making some decent progress! Maybe there is hope for these aliens! I mean the sprite did most of the work in that fight just now but still! SHADES (woohoo yet another original nickname by Astero) is climbing the ECHELADDER! You get to messaging them and decide not to waste much time with introductions, you're getting pretty sick of introductions.

==> M e s s a g e   S H A D E S

Pesterlog:

==> Check up on your MOIRAIL

Oh! Yes, you should do that. You want to make sure everything's running smoothly for KIMOKE. It's been sometime since you talked to him, after all. Has he messaged any of the humans yet? Probably. Anyways, before you continue stargazing, you message your MOIRAIL.

Pesterlog:

==> Stargaze a bit.

Now that you've finished messaging just about everyone you have felt the need to message, you lie down and let the back of your NUGBONE rest on your arms. The vast expanse of space swallows up your vision, and you pay attention to nothing else. The twinkling stars are lulling you to sweet, sweet slumber. You, of course, make sure you don't actually fall asleep. You've fallen asleep outside of your RECUPERACOON back on ALTERNIA enough times to know that sleeping without SOPOR SLIME is a bad idea.

Now, with all these thoughts aside,

you space out.

[Thrillho]

==>

The outcome of defeating the large ogre caused a loud screetching noise to come through the entrance of the Maze. It's obvious that since you beat this big motherfucker, you've been given access to the second part of said quest! Normally, you'd just keep going ahead but this time your sprite insists on you using this new collection of grist you've accumulated to make some 'kickasss loot' rather than throw your life away.

-There was a lot more rhymes in what he actually said, but you'd rather not...deal with that right now. Your sprite leads you over to the ALCHEMITER set-up. A collection of items are strewn about the area surrounding the machine and some PUNCH DESIGNX sits nicely next to the motherlubber. Just as you start to question how to actually go about using this stuff, you get a message:

Pesterlog:

==>

Yeah, that'll show them not to fuck with you. Though...the fact that they're supposedly an alien is just not true. They're probably just some game construct designed to deter you from your path or something stupid...

==>

-KERSIKE!!!!!!!! You switch from the shades kid and to....woah. This guy is HUGE. You are now KIMOKE and a long, looong time ago you were introduced into the world and after a while of being irrelevant, it is today that you will change that.

Pesterlog:

==>

In all honesty, you do worry about them just a little bit...

[Sir Realism]

==>

The large Dersite peers into the dark tunnel ahead before simply flipping a light switch nearby. A floating figure seems to be trying to hide in one of the nooks of the tunnel. The mercenary approaches and readies its massive cleaver. Only, somethings not right? The figure is repeatedly bumping into the walls as if sleepwalking. Then it hits him...

==> Quite literally

The obsidian beast has no time to react as Dick slices his throat from behind using the sharpened edge of one of his royal shoulder pads. You've been grinding it down on the stone walls in wait, another flawless plan. As the giant merc tries to maintain his footing despite choking on his own blood you unsheathe his own sword from his back.

==> End this swiftly

You place the blade atop the Dersites neck as he looks at you with the eyes of an unknowing child, then closes them in acceptance.

==> DECAPITATE

It's done... You loot the fools corpse for some boonies only to notice somethings occurred a small tab appears next to you in mid air...

Level Up!:

You slice the experience gauge in half, it's completely useless to you... You know exactly what you are and you intend on becoming such as soon as possible.

==>

The Pennpack is reattached and you exit through the other side of the tunnel. You look at the floating abominations in the distance and hear their cries...

"Massacre"



The words bring a smile to your face. You turn your gaze to the largest building in all of Derse, the keep of the king and queen. You're already here after all, why not give the royal family a little visit. As you float up the side of the building a figure from one of the windows spots you.

==> Become the figure

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! You've become the rootin tootin figure known only as GLUTTONY (or PEARS depending on the audience) by the locals of this planet, you like MANIFEST DESTINY and DIME NOVELS. Boy are your jimmies rustled by this kid, who does he think he is. Not only has he just entered Derse but he also sliced his EXP gauge in half. Obviously a glitch seeker in your FRONTIER EYES. Things have been seemingly getting worse and worse for this planet after the leave of your faithful leader PRIDE. Who does that guy think he is! You can't just decide you want to be a martial arts themed for a week when everyone else agrees on making a MAGNIFICENT 7 THEMED WEEK. Gosh diggity darn are you spiffed, not only does he have worldbreaking powers but now he thinks he's too cool for his friends. Just because you've been chose to be LORD OF DENIZENS doesn't mean you gotta ditch your old buckaroos. Anyways, you'll let this kid pass for now... he ain't got a thing on the queen.

==> Become you're unconscious body

The frilled salamanders have been taking care of your host quite well it seems. Their leader, THE CONSUMER, the one who ate your PROXY DIALECTS is teaching its disciples of the resurrection of the one true god. THE MAGE OF VOID. You've been dragged out of the water and into the village of these little things within the massive ruins of a stone cathedral. THE CONSUMER dances about in its CULTIST CLOAK and preaches more of your awakening, but before he can finish the sermon...

==> HOMONCULI, ATTACK!!!

The fleshy abominations you've fathered from birth seemed to have escaped from their confines within fathers bunker/middle class home and are waging war against the natives of THE LAND OF RAIN AND CASTLES. A variety of intense STRIFE'S occur, and a massive battle is waged. After some incredibly pathetic attempts at trying to kill one another with fleshy, soft claws both parties realize they're both incredibly weak and wouldn't stand a chance on their own. THE CONSUMER holds a peace trial with the leader of the homonculus tribe... JEREMY as named by Dick on its hatching day.

==> Form "THE FEDERATION OF OBSERVER PROSPERITY"

Or more commonly known as THE FOOP. The two clans agree to enact the awakening of their one true lord.

==> Become less fleshy and a lot cooler.

You are now THE ORIGINAL POPPIKO PANTAR and you're frozen in the horror of realizing that the sprite of BEANIE HUMAN is definitely you. You can tell from the cracked grooves of its horns as they are identical to where yours were broken off.

==> PANIC

You fall off your chair screaming in terror as time and fate fall into place. You're destiny is told, and cannot be changed. You need to confirm this shit with someone RIGHT NOW.

 

Pesterlog:

[ZoozooKinkajou]

==> Return to reality and attempt to make amends before shit gets rowdy

You blink twice, your eyes widening for a bit as minutes seemed to pass in just milliseconds. Your mind had been up there with the stars, a daydream. You... don't remember what you were daydreaming about. You didn't hear the stars talking to you... You know you had a dream but... your thinkpan pathetically fails to recall any of it. You didn't exactly fall asleep.. but you remember a dream. You weren't in DERSE. You could probably try consulting the stars now to see if they have anything to say about it but... you would need no distractions. Your HUSKTOP is a distraction, but a necessary one. You got ALIENS and a MOIRAIL to message.

Pesterlog:

==>

You're THANKFUL that SHADES decided to reply right away, you can't help but get a little impatient. There's just... so many things going on. Everything has become chaotic a little too quickly. Maybe you and the others should've assigned each other humans to watch over instead of randomly picking one? Oh well, it was too late now. You'll just have to deal. Like a tree. You can flip one of those wooden assholes upside down and you know what? They don't give a fuck. They make do. Branches become roots and roots become ranches. You have to roll. You have to roll like a tree.

==> Pep talk over, your MOIRAIL is messaging you.

Of course! You would never forget to reply to your MOIRAIL! You switch tabs to message your MOIRAIL. You must ease his worries, you are working to be LESS OF A SHUT-IN as of recent. You are standing outside right now! Enjoying the brilliant silence of space! And it's beauty! But before you message your MOIRAIL...

==> It's a little TOO silent.

You love space and all, you really do. This known very well by those who know you. You've dedicated your life to researching it. But... if there was ONE thing you did not like about space... It would be the lonely and chilling silence. You hate loud noises but... SOME noise would be nice.

==> Go to GRUBTUBE and search for some calm music

You go to your BROWSER and go onto GRUBTUBE. From there, you stare at the search bar for a bit, trying to determine what music you'd like to listen to, before typing what you want to listen to in the search bar.



==> That should do.

With calming music filling the empty silence, you return to TROLLIAN and start tik-takking away.

Pesterlog:

==>

Okay now that you've done that-ohhhhh wait fuck. You forgot. You forgot about the hopefully unconscious human body still floating down a river. Fuck. Something could've happened to them while you weren't paying attention. You do not need a dead human already, this early into the session? No, fuck no. Plus, this fucker created the sprite that definitely was POPIKO, you all need to get to the bottom of this.

It's not like you could do anything if something were to harm them in their sleep, you can only spectate. But... it would good to monitor so you can notify the others if something happens-

==>  WHOMST'D'VE'LY'YAINT'NT'ED'IES'S'Y'ES THE FUCK

Wait calm down it's just POPIKO messaging you. Speak of the devil.

It looks like he has probably seen the sprite that looks suspiciously like him and is probably going SHITHIVE MAGGOTS, a very POPIKO thing to do.

==> Reply to the skittish guy

Pesterlog:

==>

It was a only matter of time before POPIKO realized who exactly the faceless sprite was and then proceeded to go SHITHIVEMAGGOTS. You think you might've just barely heard his scream from inside the battleship. Someone should probably calm him the fuck down, that someone won't be you, of course, you already have a MOIRAIL. You have an idea who possibly could, but you are certainly not in the mood to deal with her HOOFBEASTMANURE.

==> Stretch out your fingers a bit, you've been messaging three people at once.

You weave the fingers of your two PRONGS together and stretch them outwards, loosening your arm muscles and giving you some relief.

Once finished, you decide not to space out and instead give your HUSKTOP your full attention as your eight-second attention span forgets to check up on the unconscious human once again.

[hereticalTophat]

==> Be Ekliat

You're distracted from your observing from a scream coming not too far away. Judging by the shrillness and familiarity of it, you gauge that it is Popiko's. You consider yourself to be some sort of leader among the trolls- at the very least you're the one who put the whole Sgrub shindig together. So your first instinct is to dash out of your respiteblock and charge to Popiko's room. But you highly doubt that anything could've happened to the guy. So you just decide to send him a quick message

Pesterlog:

There. You don't really feel like talking to the humans right now, but you decide that you've had enough of your assigned room of the battleship and would prefer some company. Though you're not entirely sure who'd even appreciate your presence- and who would just prefer to be alone. So you're left kind of staring at your husktop with a disgruntled expression.

[cealvan]

==>enter the house

you would if you were able to get to the Skyland that the house is sitting upon, unfortunately, you are not quite there, you dislike how tedious movement here is. fortunately, you seem to be getting closer and closer, oh, and you are now close enough that if you get a good leap....ouch, you may have twisted your ankle on that one, but you made it, you knock on the door, which is a couple inches shorter than you are. a small pink lizard thing opens the door, well, small being relative. for a salamander it is huge, but as it looks humanoid, and had the intelligence to build itself a house, you are comparing him to yourself, who already is short. all in all, you would guestimate he is about four, four and a half feet tall?

anyways, he takes one look at you and asks who you are, you respond by saying you are a wiery traveler seeking temporary shelter from the mobs outside, he lets you in without further question, graciously feeds you a meal, and is a good host. after a while, you start up a conversation

Show Dialog log:

you do some more small talk, you don't really figure more about what you are supposed to do, but the salamander seems like a pleasant fellow, and someone a game would make as a good guy, and so you trust him.

[Thrillho]

==>

Pesterlog:

A chilling breeze moves down your spine. You can't help but recall the fall of Rome and how quickly it fell from overexpantion, but considering you're supposedly going to become whatever the fuck a 'Hero of Rage' is, who would want to mess with you? It's like starting a tussle with the likes of Zeus or -well in general, any god! The word 'Rage' sounds powerful, at least in your mind.

Though you don't really consider yourself an angry person. You sorta deal with whatever comes your way like the total badass you are. -Whatever.

==>

In the time you were chatting away with the weird mustard-tinted alien, you've been at work on alchemizing sweet loot as per your sprites directions. Starting first with the upgrade of your weapon. Your sprite has removed all the posters and beloved items from their safe home in your bedroom and into the charred remains of the upstairs where move of the machines now lie.

He directs you how to use each of the pieces of tech and ignoring the intense coding mumbo-jumbo, you just start punching cards and combining shit that works together. Some things require grist you havent even seen before, but...theres a few things you make from the fallen Ogre and hordes of Imp grist you've accumulated.

==>

You create the following!:

HERMES SHARPSHOOTER x1 - Ryder BB-Gun && Hermes Poster

A pretty basic-peashooter to fend off most cretins that dared to deter the path of the Godly Messenger. Equipped with two wings on the stock that are fully functional!

10 Build Grist, 5 Malachite, 20 Chalk.

SHADESUNG PARALAXY x1 - Shades && Samsung Galaxy

-As the name suggests, this is a pretty nice hands-free communication solution, and it makes you look way cooler. Not like you needed that extra boost, but you aren't complaining.

6 Build Grist, 3 Malachite, 6 Tar.

-In the middle of your spree of alchemizing items, you notice your old 'THE FELT' poster. That webcomic sucked ass to be honest. It was too many weird turns and twists for your tastes. You liked the characters and their weirdly overpowered abilities, but considering that very same problem with the story...it couldn't hurt.

==>

As you attempt to alchemize your rifle with the poster you're greeted with so much grist and half the shit you have zero clue how to get:

???? - Rifle && 'The Felt' Poster

1,000,000 Build Grist, 50,000 Malachite, 10,000 ???, 20,000 ???, 30,000 ???, 40,000 ???, 60,000 ???, 70,000 ???, 80,000 ???, 90,000 ???, 100,000 ???, 110,000 ???, 120,000 ???, 130,000 ???, 140,000 ???, 150,000 ???.

It's depressing to look at, but whatever the hell this thing could've been you'll probably forget about when you eventually get the stuff for it. Whatever. It's not like you really wanted it anyways...

==> Try not to cry.

You succeed in this like a pro!

==>

You move back over to our brown-tinted hero. The true hero of this series anyways. It's been god knows how long since this big hunk of metal stopped at your DESTINATION and the bright light from SKAIA is something you will never get used to. It sucks to be stuck in these walls, but....for some reason you seem content with it.

It's what happens when you go about playing SGRUB or whatever the fuck it calls itself here. Everyone becomes a little better than they were before. For better or for worse.

Pesterlog:

==>

You appreciate your MOIRAIL with all your being. After spending weeks with them and coming to appreciate the people you have, you do all you can to get them to safety. -Which oddly enough was something you were destined to do in the beginning, although you aren't too good at it.

Sometimes you wished you had the motivation like that cobalt and fuschia combo. -Just the motivation strength, though. Nothing more. They are...a pair you hope you don't want ASTERO and you to end up in, but they usually mean well.

Usually...

==>

You move around your makeshift respiteblock. It's mostly filled with your old stuff in an attempt to make the place home-y, as oddly enough your bronze color goes well with the purple interior of the ship...God you are starting to join everyones opinion on the place.

This ship is starting to suck...

[furry garbage]

==> Be the beanie human.

You seem to have been absent for quite some time.. Where exactly have you been?

WELL, goodchumpalbuddy, it seems like you've been running and hopping about your room, collecting whatever cool shit you could in order to alchemize the dankest shit in the session! One of your bright neon signs, a few of your horror posters, and a pair of HORNED SHADES you had managed to scoop off of CORY just before the game had started. Man, did he ever have an eye for fashion..

As you rip shit down from the walls, your sprite directs you how to use all of these weird but apparently extremely useful machines.. Not like you paid any attention, though. You were more determined to make the SHINIEST, COOLEST, and possible the most EYESTRAIN-Y upgrades to your knife!.. Or, whatever was close.

In the meantime, you decide to pester PENN to make sure he's still alive, having closed the most recent conversation.

==>

Pesterlog:

==> Be someone else.

What? Without any warning whatsoever, you are now yet another troll on the aforementioned purple ship, who seems to be hunched over their husktop in complete silence.. They also don't exactly seem to be in a known location, instead in a sort of shitty makeshift respiteblock deep in the ship. That was fortunate for this young lass, who appears to have just been SOBBING UNCONTROLLABLY. Perhaps, like her comrades, she is sick of being stuck in this tin can?

==> Who is this?

You don't feel like introducing yourself, but the least you could do was switch to second-person and monologue a little bit. You are.. A particularly depressed burgundy-blooded troll that has lost everything you had back hive. You used to have a job, and an amazing lusus, and an all-around perfect life aside from being a blight to the hemospectrum itself. All of that had gone away quite a while ago, you can't really remember when.. But you can remember that you miss it. You miss the relationship you had when your friends, and you especially missed your BOSS, who was likely deceased by now with your luck.

You've grown sick of the color purple, and spend most of your days submerged in what sopor-slime you had left in order to avoid it, but even that was starting to run out. You WOULD spend time with the other trolls on the ship, but just looking at them reminds you of how much they've changed. Not much brings you joy nowadays, aside from sitting in one place for hours on end staring at the aliens that would soon release you from this violet prison.. They seemed to be taking their sweet ass time, though.

==>

Perhaps, in order to feel a little less bad about yourself, you would make a poor attempt to approach the one that you held just slightly higher than the others? He seemed relatively pleasant aside from his interactions with the beanie-wearing alien, but you couldn't really blame him. They seemed to be a real dunce-cap. Either way, what did you have to lose?

Absolutely jack shit. Introductions could wait.

==> Communicate with SHADES.

Pesterlog:

[ZoozooKinkajou]

==> Astero: Respond to SHADES but don't actually refer to him as SHADES

You're ASTERO again and you agree to this decision to not refer to the ever so slightly cocky human as SHADES, but you have yet to know an actual name to refer to the human as. And therefore you will continue to mentally call him SHADES but AA doesn't roll off the tongue, at all. It has no RING to it, it's extremely plain. You, however, still can't call the humans SHADES since they obviously did not appreciate it in the slightest.

You let yourself ponder on something else to call them, but eventually decided against it seeing that it would risk further provoking SHADES. This human is hopefully your most reliable source of information, you don't want them becoming uncooperative with you. You suppose you could just continue interrogating BEANIE again if all else fails or the other human you've yet to contact. However, SHADES was the one who gave you a barely decent answer. You still know jackshit about Human government other than the existence of a PRESIDENT. You think that maybe you should be offended at the "you guys are actually civil?" comment but ALTERNIAN SOCIETY isn't exactly civil so you really can't argue.

With that aside, you get to typing.

Pesterlog:

==> Observe the view tab

Your pupils wander over to the view tab, noticing that SHADES has started alchemizing shit. You lean a little closer to the HUSKTOP's screen to get a better look, straining your back in the process.

...A winged gun? You are not sure if those for decoration or are actually functional. Oh, and new upgraded glasses. You message SHADES again to ask whether or not the wings on the gun are functional.

Pesterlog:

==> Chat with your MOIRAIL

Pesterlog:

==>

While one might consider the unknown human's actions bold, it was actually just really fucking stupid. Gogdamn, what did KIMOKE even do? You know very well that KIMOKE was an overall nice person, it's high unlikely that he would've done something to provoke the human. Did the human lash out because they were intimidated? You have no fucking clue.

==> Wait, weren't you supposed to check something?

Wait, were you?? You don't remember. You're messaging like, four people in at the same time right now so it was easy for you to forget anything else you were supposed to do in the last 10 minutes.

Actually... you think you're remembering something!

==> The...

...INTERESTING DETAILS notebook! The little book containing little details that you found interesting(which was obvious by the name) that you've noticed over the course of time. Details like some strange stuff that you had noticed about the LAND OF FOGS AND FEATHERS or some weird/creepy shit that the HORRORTERRORS whispered to you on DERSE.

==> Wait that's not what...

You open your SYLLADEX and quickly rummage through it once again and find said notebook, closing your SYLLADEX. You flip through it, though stop at a page where you had written about the abnormal behavior of your LUSUS just before....

...you continue to flip to a blank page, not wanting to reopen any bad memories.

==> What about-

You grab your pen start scribbling away. You briefly write about the appearance of the mysterious POPIKO SPRITE and their possible connection to the UNCONSCIOUS HUMAN. You add a small note regarding SHADE's strange WINGED GUN. That's... all you've really noticed for now. While you're at it, you incorporate the minuscule amount of info received from SHADES into your ALIEN RESEARCH notebook. Info stating that HUMAN government involved DEMOCRACY. That sounds somewhat promising, seeing that the ALTERNIAN government was a overall a piece of shit to the LOWBLOODS.

==> Sigh.

You're admittedly becoming bored, sitting here alone on a spacious deck typing on your HUSKTOP. You want to do something, or hang out with one of your COMRADES. Maybe you'll head over to KIMOKE and talk about problems or the good times back on ALTERNIA. OR you could possibly be petty and go and bother EKLIAT BODRIG the FISH SHIT.

==> Captchalogue your notebooks

You open your SYLLADEX and drop your two notebooks into it. They resume their CAPTCHALOGUE CARD form and join the chain of objects orbiting around your form. You close your SYLLADEX, the chain disappearing, and pick up your HUSKTOP. You carry it yourself so you can reach it more quickly. You start strolling back to the inside of the ship, unsure of where you're going but continuing to move anyway.

[Sir Realism]

==> Return to Dick

You're back, and just in time to witness the introductory paragraph of a chaotic battle. You stand at the main gates of the royal castle, although you could simply fly to the top and claim your loot you choose a more dramatic approach instead. You've already hatched a foolproof plan, with at least a 95% chance of success and are about to open the front doors but are suddenly stopped. You stare blankly at the entrance and try to reach for the machete attached to the Pennpack before you suddenly pass out. You feel as if your mind is thrown out of your dream body and back down to your planet through some rapid roller coaster. God that does not feel good.

==> Wake up.

You awaken, only to find yourself surrounded by your failed creations and another race of amphibian. You immediately realize your PROXY DIALECTS are missing, however you can sense their maddening aura nearby. The salamander!

==> Interrogate THE CONSUMER

As the small slimeballs bow down in your presence you pace around their leader, shifting puddles and rubble away from your feet. The salamander kneels face down as you approach.

==> ...

This will suffice, you didn't even know the PROXY DIALECTS could preform such a feat. This little thing will be your new servant. You search your pockets for THE NOKIA while it lacks the availability of a typical smart phone, it makes up in durability. Instead of finding it, a smaller salamander brings it towards you. Not a scratch, as expected.

==> Respond to messages.

Pesterlog:

Filthy peasant, everyone feels the need to comment on your errors. One day you'll prove yourself right, you're sure of it. You must contact the hipster fool next... unfortunately.

Pesterlog:

==> PANIC

You're Poppiko again, and are smashing your digitals on the husktops fingerboard... again...

Pesterlog:

[hereticalTophat]

==>Be the not-so-highest blood.
You've been watching Alie for some time now, and growing rather impatient. She's just received what you assume to be her quest, and is deciding to get stronger before going ahead with it.

This is stupid.

==>Scold the Alie Human.

Pesterlog:

You decide that when they wake up, you'll try and go down to Prospit to greet them. At least you assume they're on Prospit, they seem like the kind of person who would be- you deem.

==>Respond to anxious lowblood.
Oh god damn it.

Pesterlog:

You don't exactly care /that/ much that Popiko went to Astero for help. It was the logical solution anyway, but you'll still be pretend petty about it to her- because it's fun and you're sure that you both get some sort of kick about it.

Pesterlog:

You don't believe you have any red feelings for the lowblood, but people often reference how fond of him he is for you. Like he'd like you anyway, you were kind of mostly an asshat to the guy..? Eh, whatever.[/color]

[cealvan]

as you are having tea with the salamander, you get a message from the one guy who you are going to call navi, telling you to get going on your quest, you don't really want to, but as you guess that it needs to be done, and so you wait for a natural break in the conversation, and excuse yourself, he lets you go, and knowing that you need to take on a big beast, or that's what you are understanding you decide your best course of action is to climb the echalader, killing imps and ogres less to get the grist anymore, than to get experience, wich you will need if you are going to deal any amount of damage to this final boss, although you didnt get any real quest other than an end gole one, but you guess for now that will be enough, as you now have a general direction. although you do seem to remember this being a multiplayer style game, surely there are more multiplayer aspects than just coordinating getting in, you decide to ask your friends if they know of anything, and you are just out of the loop, after all you were off the grid for a while there, you don't know if they even know you are in, you think they do, but this is better to be safe than sorry, and as such, you decide to go ahead and be social again.

==>pester Dick

canorousCalimest began pestering observerObservist:

==>pester Penn

CanorousCalimest began pestering archaicAngel:

==>pester Mona

CanorousCalimest began pestering vaporwaveGloaming:

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