Sbarb: Fairy God Trolls

[Guest]

((Please see the thread in 'Looking To RP' for a characterlist server order and whatnot.))

IT BEGINS

Somewhere deep in the void a game is waiting to be played. What is its name?

====>Sburb

Sburb?!What kind of a ridiculous name is that! Who in their right mind would call a game that?! Try again!

====>Sbarb

Of course it's Sbarb. A game which will soon result in the deaths of billions on a cosmic scale.

====>Sbarb: Initialise

It seems to be malfunctioning!

====>Irrelivant! Distribute copies.

Of couse, that makes sense now. The game would have been distributed no matter what. It was simply pre-destination, there was no choice. What of the glitch?

====> The session MUST be played.

Who are you?

====> No. Too soon. The session MUST be played.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A young Troll stands alone in his hive. It should be a fairly unremarkable night, just like any other, but this troll knows that tonight is the first step in the creation of his masterpeice. It will be a glorious night for art. He is so preoccupied he has completely forgotten you are there.

==> Enter name

Haha- Oh very witty. Sheer wit.  NO. Try again, smartass!

==> Try again, smartass!

Correct! And what a glorious name that is, a true asset to Troll art.

Your name is DRYDAN THESPA and you love art. Your hive is stuffed full of DRAMATIC SHIT for all those THEATRICAL SHENANIGANS you get youself into. You have even took the liberty of upgrading your Recuperacoon with a few artistic doodles. But today is a good day and you are at the height of your ROMANTIC FELICITY. This is primarily down to the new game SBARB that you and four of your associates have aquired, you have been assured it's 'tres tres artistiques'. Not that you know what that means. You have even gone so far as to display a very TASTEFUL POSTER of the game's alpha logo on your wall. But more on that later.

==> Captchalogue the chair

Ahhh, yes. You suppose this would be a good time to talk about the new modus you have aquired. It is called the DRAMATIC MODUS and it is wonderfully appealing. It handily oscilates between three settings for you;
Dramatic Timing- an item may be retrieved at exactly the right time to use it.
Tragic Timing - an item may be retreived exactly 3 seconds after you needed it.
Comedy Timing- an item may be retreived with amusing consequences.
You find it tantalising.

==> Search Sylladex

Ah yes! There they are! The Sbarb Alpha disks! just where you left it, and luckily it seems your Dramatic Timing has pulled through. You receive the disks exactly when you need them!

==> Check Trollian

You do so. Time to contact your felow cast members and see if they are ready to play the game.

==> Pester Trolls.

thespiansCurtain[TC] has opened a new memo:

TC: ~~ This Is Drydan Thespa Calling All Lesser Cast Members ~~
TC: ~~Do You Haʌe Everything Set Up For The Loop?~~

==> Pester Humans

For a moment you consider trolling those uncultured human-creatures your friends have been preoccupied with but quickly decide against it. They're not worth your time and besides, they have major problems of their own, or will do soon. Instead you decide to pester the first peice in the puzzle, you client.

thespiansCurtain[TC] began trolling yesterdaysCelebration[YC]:

TC: ~~ Alette, My Dear, Are You Ready To Become The First Pawn In My Masterpeice?~~ You Haʌe A Magnificent Role To Play ~~
TC: ~~I Haʌe Set Up The Serʌer And Await Your Client Connection~~
TC: ~~Together We Will Decimate This Game!~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Cardly]

==> Go To A Different Universe


Ah, look here a fine specimen of human... Life..

He's wearing nothing but skin-tight boxers... Right... Ok.. Uh.. There's a nice  song playing in the background... I guess- ...No, uh.

==> Move Onto Someone Less Naked... QUICK- THIS IS PRACTICALLY CHILD P**N!!!

[bluefire31]

==> To another girl

==> Uh

MH: Sorry, But You're not gonna see be quite yet pal. 
MH: I got a bit to do, but for now, Just sit tight.

MH: Just call me MH for now, Weird voice.

==> Alright. MH, Mind telling us what your doing?

MH: Not sure if I should. Hang on. . . . Eh.

MH: Just working on my fighting skills. Mainly on some tech.

MH: Waiting for some game to install.

MH: The usual.

[mangledmedic]

lets see a different human ====>
a young human girl is in a large kitchen standing by an oven starring at an egg timer lets name her

princess fluffy butt===>

she then preforms a rude gesture

Sara whitegale ====>
ding ding ding

the timer goes off and she retrieves a batch of fresh chocolate chip cookies

you are sara whitegale you are ten years old and as usual are left home alone your mom is at work as governess. You are skilled with most string instruments but prefer the violin to all else with harp as a close second. You love sweets most of all Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookies and there almost all you eat .your chum handle is blank slate and for the most part use particularly grand grammar for your age at least when you are not in the mood for a prank or a nap you love naps
you have a very fast metabolism to the point where you need to eat quite a bit to keep your blood sugar up. speaking of witch she takes a bite out of one of them.

lets leave her to her snack shale we====>

[goldenCrown]

Another young troll stands in her respiteblock, which is oddly made of ice. It's always cold in her hive, which is to be expected. She is holding discs in her hand. Discs that would change her life and the world around her. She doesn't know this quite yet. She just knows that she's going to play this game called Sbarb.

==> Be the young female troll.

You can't be her yet! You don't even know her name! Sheesh, at least take her out to dinner first.

==> Enter name.

SHINGLEWAD FARTBERRY.

Ha ha, very funny. She thinks it funny, as she giggles. She still shakes her head to tell you that it's not her name.

==>Try again.

ALETTE VESSIO.

There you go.

Your name is ALETTE VESSIO, and you love to PARTY. You love celebrations of all kinds, actually. You are a particularly OUTGOING troll who is not afraid to speak her mind. Sometimes you speak your mind a bit too much. Sometimes you can be DREADFULLY OPTIMISTIC. You LIVE IN THE ARCTIC of Alternia, and your entire hive is made of ice. You appear to VIEW EVERYTHING AS A JOKE, but you can actually be quite serious. You have been contacted by a certain troll to play a certain game called SBARB.

==>Message that certain troll about that certain game.

It looks like he's already messaged you.

YC: I'm super reaady~
YC: Aas reaady aas I'll ever be~
YC: Oh waait~
YC: Scraatch thaat~
YC: I haave to loaad the client disc first~
YC: Be right baack~!

How could you forget something as important as loading the disc? You feel so stupid. You quickly forget that feeling and be happy again.

==>Load client disc.

You pop the disc into your husktop and watch the pretty swirly design as it loads. You are hypnotized by it for moment, but you quickly remember that you have things to do. This is no time to be hypnotized by swirly patterns on your screen!

==>Message Drydan again.

YC: Oqaay~!
YC: Aall taaqen caare of~
YC: Now I'm reaally reaady~
YC: But first I haave aa question~
YC: Whaat aam I supposed to do aagaain~?

[mangledmedic]

now that she is done eating let go back to sara ====>
today you and some friends are gona get to beta test a game called Sbarb you have already started the sever copy and decide to pester the others wile you wait

blankslate BS: opened the memo Sbarb
BS: ok I am loading the game now are you guys as existed as I am to start this thing

[Guest]

==> Be Drydan

You acheive this with absolute dramatic flair.

==> Pester Client


TC: ~~ One Moment Alette, My Serʌer Is Preparing For Our Artistic Magesty. ~~

And so it is. As the hypnotising patterns swirl past your eyes in a blaze of aesthetic flare you can't help but notice some of the more ominous titles on the loading bar. Oh well.

==> Sbarb: Load

It does. Funny, it seems to know exactly what you want it to do.

And just like that you can see your friend sitting there on your husktop sceen. Wonderful.

TC: ~~ Ahhh! I Can See You! Exellent! ~~
TC: ~~ Oh My! ~~~~~ The Ice ~~
TC: ~~ It Is Such... ~~

TC: ~~ ARTISTRY ~~~~

TC: ~~ And To Think I Neʌer Took You For A Kindred Spirit~~ The Place Could Use Some Decortation Though Were It To... Really Shine ~~
TC: ~~ You Sit Tight I'll See What We Have Available ~~

==> Drydan: Distribute items symetricaly and artistically

You do so very carefully so as to cause your client player little inconvenience later when she needs these items. Not because you're a creepy weirdo who hates imperfection. Oh no.

TC: ~~ There! See What You Can Achieʌe, And Keep Me In The Loop I'm Going To Have A Word With Some More Trolls About A Game! ~~

==> Have a word with some trolls about a game

thespiansCurtain[TC] Began Trolling paranoidOutcast[PO]:

TC: ~~ Ofinas, Are You There? Get Ready Because Shit Is About To Hit The Dramatic Fan! ~~

[bluefire31]

==> Hey, Miss MH?

MH: Yea?

==> Can we atleast see a picture of you?

MH: Hm.

MH: I don't mind that, Lemme just get a picture. . . 

MH: Here.

MH: Link!

==? Oh. Why is your hair gray?

MH: Genetics. . . I guess.

MH: Never really questioned it.

MH: Now, My Mech needs my hand.

==> MECH? As in, mechanical body?

MH: Yep.

MH: Oh, A memo.

MH: 'Scuse me.

==> Oh, Of course! Reply away.

mechanizedHuman [MH] began to reply to memo, RIGHT NOW:

MH: do you need something?

[goldenCrown]

==>Respond to server.

YC: Oh, you~
YC: To be perfectly honest, I didn't build this hive~
YC: My lusus did~
YC: She really liqes ice~
YC: Haaving aa hive maade of ice is more convenient thaan you'd thinq~
YC: I never haave to worry about staaying cool~!
YC: I do haave to worry aabout staaying waarm~
YC: But whaatever~

==>Notice the machines in your respiteblock.

Whoa! When did those get there? You didn't even notice them.

YC: So you put those maachines there~?
YC: I didn't even notice~
YC: Hehe~
YC: I guess I'll just mess aaround with them~

==>Mess around with machines.

You have no idea what to do. Should you start with the tall machine that vaguely looks like a cannon? Or maybe the long one that looks like a drill?

==>Just follow your heart.

No. That's a horrible idea. You decide to poke the machines until something happens.

[lazyMarauder]

A young male troll stands in his oddly coloured hive, holding a disk.

==> Enter Name.

Nah.

==> Enter Name.

Why?

==> Just enter his damn name.

Geez, fine!
HYPTUN BELEEX

Your name is HYPTUN BELEEX, and you like to eat HEAPTONS of CANDY. It is one of the few things that brighten your life nowadays. You are a JUST troll who is all about EQUALITY FOR ALL. You are also an amateur PSIONIC, but you left that behind a long time ago. Your hive is coloured in every colour imaginable, symbolizing your dream of equality. You care about hardly anything and one of the only reasons you are not totally depressed is because of how amazingly AWESOME your lusus is. Your friend has recently asked you to play a game called SBARB with him, which is strange in your mind.

==> Locate husktop

Your husktop is in the firm grip of your watchful lusus. He is guarding it from possible enemies with his advanced perception. He is also asleep.

==> Retrieve husktop

You carefully remove the husktop from his grip, terrified to think what he might do to you if he wakes up.

==> Troll human

You have taken an interest in the strange human species. Their history and mythology facinates you greatly. Also, you find them fun to mess with.

relaxedOffender[RO] Began Trolling kenosDisciple [KD]
RO: Hæy humæn
RO: Hæy guæss who
RO: Guæss

[Guest]

==>Drydan: Work out what to do next.

This should be easy, right?
Wrong!
It seems that no one has thought to upload any kind of walkthrough to this game, you truly are the first people to get your hands on it... It seems you will have to use up some artistic intuition to work out what is going on here... Unless....

==>Search For Totally Trustworthy Source Of Information

There! You have never seen a more viable source of trustworthy information in your life! Wonderful! You suppose you had better relay this to your fellow trolls

==>Inform trolls Of Trustworthy Source Of Information

You do so. Hopefully the other two should realise this memo exists shortly.

thespiansCurtain[TC] has opened a new memo:

TC: ~~ This Is Drydan Thespa Calling All Lesser Cast Members ~~
TC: ~~Do You Haʌe Everything Set Up For The Loop?~~
TC: ~~ Also This Should Help You~~
TC: ~~ Hyptun You're Up Next Once We'ʌe Solved Alette's Puzzle ~~ You Will Be Her Client ~~
TC: ~~ Ofinas Get Back To Me ASAP~~

==>Get Back To Client


YC: So you put those maachines there~?
YC: I didn't even notice~
YC: Hehe~
YC: I guess I'll just mess aaround with them~
TC: ~~ Yes, My Dear, That Was Me, Wonderfully Placed Are They Not? ~~
TC: ~~ One Might Even Call It Art; Set Amongst A Dazzling Glacial Backdrop... It Is... Exquisite~~
TC: ~~ But I Digress, Back To Matters Of Your ʌital Success~~
TC: ~~ There Is A Machine Known As The CRUXTRUDER Behind You ~~
TC: ~~ Comparible In Looks And Aspect To A Canon ~~
TC: ~~ You Must Actiʌate It In Order To Aquire Your Kernel Sprite~~ This I Beleiʌe Is Imperative To Your Continued Survival ~~ We Then Must Prototype It With Some Kind Of Object In Your Hiʌe 'Pre-Entry' Whateʌer That Means ~~ Sounds Wonderfully Dramatic ~~

==>Play An Absolutely Dramatic Refrain While Waiting On A Reply From Your Cast

You absolutely friggin' do so.
You always had a thing for Troll Mozart

[Guest]

==> Be the other guy

A young man stands in his bedroom, today is yet another uneventful day his life besides the fact that he'll be playing a simulation game by the name of Sbarb, but first, what is the name of this dapper young gentleman?

==> Asswipe Shitsponge

The young man dons an irritated expression, if you were to look at his right hand, you could see that he was suppressing something. No doubt some type of incredibly rude gesture, you'd best try naming him again.

==> Orin Bennet

Yes that name will do, for now you suppose.

Your name is Orin Bennet. Today is the day you will play a peculiar sort of game by the name of Sbarb, with some of your buddies over the internet, you are most excited to get started, it really seems quite interesting to you. You very much enjoy browsing the Creepy-pasta website in search of things to read, your favorites being the tales of Jeff the Killer and the Smile Dog. You also very much enjoy learning about old western bartenders and also enjoy creating horrible fan-fiction, their stylistic suck really engrosses you into them. At times you have even indulged in creating them yourself, and consider them to be more of a guilty pleasure to you than anything else.

But enough of that, what will you do?

==> Respond

You go on your computer, and see that someone is pestering you.
KD: Hmm...
KD: I am not quite sure, would you mind, perhaps giving me a hint?
KD: This is incredibly difficult for me.
KD: Honestly.

[lazyMarauder]

RO: You dont know
RO: Wæll thæn læt mæ tæll you
RO: I æm Julius Cæsar
RO: Quææn of thæ humæns

You are a genius. The human will definetely believe you.

Oh? It seems that your friend has opened a memo regarding the game you just put down.

relaxedOffender [RO] responded to memo.

RO: Whæt is ævæn thæ dæl with this
RO: No næværmind i hævæ thæ gæmæ rædy
RO: Tæll mæ whæn you nææd mæ

[bluefire31]

===> MH, Just what are you doing right now?

MH: Hm?
MH: Nothing. I have this weird beta game, It's called ahm. . .
MH: Sbarb? It sounds like a stabing game really.

==> Oooh. Alright.

MH: Mm. Now, Just why are you speaking to me right now?

==> Don't worry about me for right now, Just install the game, and finish up on your Mech!

MH: Mm. This thing's been jamming in testing lately, I can't have that happen on a job.
MH: The guns the problem. I think that it's just been overheating or hasn't been spinning right.
MH: It should be fixed though, Just takes a multitool with the right bits.

==> Hey, You should probably open a memo, instead of just blocking my view.

MH: Hm?
MH: No, who needs those people.
MH: I barely trust any of them. I think they still think I'm a nice person really.
MH: Anyway, Games done donwloading. I think I'll just make a memo for us humans. Just to get it out there.
MH: And yes that is what you just said, Shut up.

==> Alright, Create one then.

mechanicalHuman [MH] has opened a memo: Sbarb?
MH: what even is this?
MH: it is just so. . .
MH: wierd. anyone else have it :P?

[mangledmedic]

BS: I have it just got done installing the sever copy from what I was told it is like sims but as a group and there is some special twist still its been a long time since we did something as a group so I hope we have fun

[bluefire31]

MH: oooooooh
MH: okay
MH: well i have mine installed!
MH: is there an order to this or anything? or do we just go randomly?

==> You still don't trust them?

MH: You kidding?
MH: They're almost dead weight. If they become a friend, They become something to worry about.
MH: I can't have that. I aim to finish, by whatever it means.
MH: People usual tend to hate me for that.

[Guest]

KD: Oh.
KD: Well I apologize for my utterly impudent behavior, in front of my queen.
KD: Such a crime must be worthy of execution.
KD: I must now bid farewell to this cruel world.
KD: I, at the very least, have had an adequate run.

Man, talking to this guy is my making you feel a bit silly, and sarcastic as well, you can never forget sarcastic. Oh well, it appears that one of your chums has opened a memo you might as well check it out.

CURRENT kenosDisciple[KD] responded to memo.
KD: I am also very eager to play this game as well!
KD: I myself have installed my client copy.
KD: I cannot wait until we begin.

[Cardly]

==> Be The Now Clothed Boy.

Good... Now you're clothed, boy.

So what is this boy's name?



WRONG!

==> Try AGAIN!



CORRRRRRECT!

Your name is Evan Chavos. You are an odd kid who's constantly in some form of depression. Some years ago your 'mother' died from some unknown disease, or was it something else? ...You have NO idea really but you're still in mourning. You like to write books, play games and you have several other interesting hobbies. You have started taken a liking to certain kinds of music and... Oh- it seems other people are responding to a memo... That's nice?

==> Evan: Answer Memo.

No!

==> Doo iiiiit!

...Fine



CURRENT bankruptAuthor [BA] responded to memo.

BA: Yes I have this game too...
BA: I've already installed this game... So...
BA: Until then I guess we should arrange teams?
BA: I don't know but I am going to enjoy this.
BA: I can tell.

==> Evan: Sit Back And Listen To Some tunes.

BA: It's the eeend of the world as we know it!
BA: AND.
BA: I.
BA: FEEL.
BA: FIIINE!
BA: ..
BA: Did I actually type that?
BA: Jesus...
BA: Anyway.. Just a song.
BA: Not like the world is going to end.
BA: Hahah...

[mangledmedic]

BS: well I already started the server so who ever wants to be my client can go ahead
now where did I put my client disk====>

mean wile her mom in the car heads home haveing accidently grabbing on of saras games instead of your PowerPoint for work

[goldenCrown]

==>Respond.

YC: Ooooqaaaaaay...~
YC: I'm on it~
YC: I guess~
YC: :p

==>Activate the Cruxtruder.

Activate it? How are you supposed to do that?

==>Handle it like you always handle things.

Aw yiss.

GET POLAR BEARMOM TO SMASH IT.

(that's probably not a good way to solve things when you live in a house made of ice)

==>Call Polar Bearmom.

You suck in a huge breath and unleash a mighty roar that only a lusus like Polar Bearmom could return. You hear a low growl in return, meaning she heard you. You hear her stomp down the hall, then she peeks her head in the doorway. You point at the Cruxtruder. She squeezes through the door and walks over to the Cruxtruder. She stands on her back legs and roars, revealing her several rows of sharp teeth (much like what humans call a shark). She swipes at the top of the Cruxtruder, and the top just breaks off. You both roar in unison for a while until she walks back out.

The roars are not actually necessary to communicate with your lusus. It's just more fun to roar with her.

==>Nice jo--OH WAIT WHAT IS THAT FLOATY FLASHY THING

A floaty flashy thing rises out of the Cruxtruder. It is emerald in color, like your blood. You just stare at it, mesmerized by the flashing.

So... much... flashy...

[bluefire31]

==> New replay to the memo. Looks like things are getting underway.

MH: Mmhm.

MH: Seems like.

MH: I'm so excited.

==> Stop with the sarcasm, and respond.

MH: uuhm. . .

MH: i dunno, i think i'll go next!

MH; i just dont know you very well, so i wanna get to know you before i choose people

MH: is that okay?

[Guest]

==> Respond

KD: Well, I'd be more than happy to be you're client.
KD: I suppose I'll run my client disk then.
KD: This will be most entertaining!

==> Run the Client disk

You begin to run the client disk, it is now searching for a server player. You are very delighted to finally be able to begin playing, waiting has caused you to become incredibly anxious, because of all the hype of it being some sort of hyper realistic simulation game. You can tell that this is going to be an incredibly fun experience for you all, that is, if it lives up to all of your expectations of course. You begin to wonder what the game will be like, well at the very least, it appears as if you are going to find out soon enough.

[avidBowmaster]

==> Be the last troll girl

You are now the final unintroduced Troll character

==> Introduce self

"Verrrrrrrry well!"

==> I'll do it

"Whatevvs."

==>

Your name is OFINAS ISHTAR. You are a tealblood, with a large obsession with Flarping, Dungeons and Dragons, and many other games of that type. You hate it when people make you do stuff. You arent their MAID. But you would be a terrible one anyway. Lets take LIGHT of the situation here.

Your handle is paranoidOutcast, and you are very sarcastic about everything


==>

You respond to the memo


PO: WHAT IS THIS GAME WE ARE PLAYING
PO: Someone tell me, I want to play.

[lazyMarauder]

RO: Holy fucking shit whæt
RO: Humæn sociæty works likæ thæt
RO: Youræ ælmost no bættær thæn thæ trolls
RO: I wæs lying whæn i sæid i wæs thæ quææn
RO: I didnt know humæns followæd hær with such dævotion

This new revelation about the humans is unsettling.

==> Look at Sbarb disk

It is just laying there, waiting for someone to insert it somewhere.

==> Bother Drydan

restingDreamer [RO] Started Trolling thespiansCurtain [TC]

RO: Drydæn
RO: Whæn cæn i stært plæying

[mangledmedic]

suddenly on your screen you can see a bed room with someone who looks a bit like Orin on the top of the screen there is a list of devices you decide to place the free stuff and manage to fit them all in what looks like a living room however you break a small hole in a wall moving some chairs.

BS: ok I placed some things sorry I made a bit of a mess

[Sponsored content]